Some Southern Sayin's

I was lamenting to my boss today, that things were movin' slower than molasses on a cold day.
I'm sure he thinks to himself WTF- this person is in charge of our budget?!

Anyhoo, I was thinking about some of my favorite saying. I think they're Southern. I hope they aren't white trash/ redneck.

As useless as tits on a boar
Sweatin' like a whore in church
Does Howdy Doody have wooden balls?
Nuttier than a squirrel turd
Awkward as a turd in a punch bowl

I'm sure there are many, many more I am forgetting!