The Worst Weekend There Was*

This past weekend was supposed to be the Best Weekend Ever. We were going to go back to my hometown of Knoxville, TN to see family and friends, and go to the UT vs. GA game. Instead, I worked ALL WEEKEND. Not like got stuff done around the house. Like actually reported into the office. Anyway, this weekend taught me something very important. I *might* be a complainer. I think I asked my co-worker every hour if he was done and if I could go home.

I don’t mean to be a whiny brat. My big mouth just always gets me in trouble.

Also, I wore jeans into work and caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror and now officially need to get some new jeans and bra due to my weight gain. Time to hit the mall and the gym and log into myfitnesspal.com!

The highlight of my lame weekend was Lifetime’s Jodi Arias: Dirty Little Secret movie. Talk about my dirty little secret-  my love for all these movies they’ve done on criminal media storms (Scott Peterson, Casey Anthony, Amanda Knox, Elizabeth Smart, etc.)

*This wasn't really the worst weekend ever- I love my co-workers and I'm grateful I have a job!
Hope your weekend was more eventful than mine! 

Professionalisms

It’s performance review time in my neck of the woods and I’m not sure what to say when it comes to the category of "professionalism". Here is what I really would like to write.

I spend too much money on clothes so I look cute professional. There are some ares I could improve upon. 

1. Cursing less at work.
2. Laughing hysterically when someone says “I need a teabag” or “just go in through the back door” (in reference to a computer system).
3. Dance like a toddler on my way to the fridge right at noon because I'm excited to eat. 
4. Eat snacks at my desk like the delicious cafeteria popcorn that gets all over the place.
5. Listen to the back that azz up Pandora station at my desk!

Glad it's weekend when I can go home and do whatevers I like, professional or not! Now here's a badazz lady that gets to do what she wants, when she wants.

 

Volunteer Too Much?

I'm always the one helping cut cakes or planning parties at work. Why is it when you help with something once, it's your task forever? I guess I don't mind, but sometimes, I want to just sit back and eat damnit!
I am in every.single.office.party.picture. like this:

 I am actually a terrible cake cutter, I am horrified because I am about to flip this cake onto my boss.

I know horrifying. How can I get out of it?! How can I say "no"? Does anyone else have these issues?

(Gross) Tales from Work

I do procurements, budget, and admin for a technical dept in the government. I am also our safety coordinator, recycling POC, fixer of copiers, jack of all trades. Example, once people were fighting over the ac/ office temp. One person would call in and say it’s too hot and then someone would call and say they were too cold, so now I’m the only one who can call in when something is broken or needs maintenance because. This has led to me calling about everything.

My request today:

Feces and water are coming up from a drain in the men’s room. (Don’t worry; I wasn’t in the men’s room). BTW, the person reporting the issue to me did not say feces, but I try to be a professional.

Speaking of feces, here’s my all-time favorite service request:

There appears to be dog feces in the hallway by the elevator (yup people bring their dogs in occasionally, to a government office building, and apparently don’t realize when they take a shadoobie in the halls). It was originally, “there’s dog shit in the hallway. At least I hope it’s dog shit”. See how professional I am.

I’ve also complained about giant dead roaches in the hallway that no one has picked up, mice that have made a nest in the bottom of someone’s bookcase, loud noises coming from a vent, theft of Fiber 1 bars out of a desk, and the list goes on. 

In case you've missed it, here's what my office looks like. Please try to contain your excitement.  

 I am here at your service. No dog pile is too offensive for me to handle.

What's the weirdest thing that's ever happened in your office?

 

Blogging Strike

Be warned- I am too tired to blog today, so this is a very half-ass effort.

I recently discovered HBO Go & the fact it can be accessed on our TV via E’s Xbox. I am an obsessive TV watcher, and stayed up waaay too late to watch Game of Thrones season 1 (not all the way through. Yet)

Thus, I wore no makeup (mascara is an essential and doesn’t count) to work & yes my hair is in a clippie. It’s also way too nice outside to be sitting in an over-chilled basement with very little light.

 

All I can think about is going home so I can try to make this for my nasty little sweet tooth.
 

Purple for Peace

It started innocently. We just wanted an excuse to have a BBQ catered lunch, so we Googled random holidays on May 16^th. Today is also National Sea Monkey day and Liberace’s birthday along with Wear Purple for Peace Day. We asked our boss and she thought it would cute if we all wore purple and peace is a nice thing right?

We made a flyer & ordered delicious BBQ to be delivered to our office. (There’s nothing around our office that’s good to eat. Seriously, Potbelly and Quiznos is it.)

Then, someone Googled “Wear Purple for Peace Day”

Let me share with you:

"Wear Purple for Peace Day is celebrated on May 16, 2013. It's a day to promote peace between us and any space aliens! "
via

WTF, it gets better:

"According to Holiday Insights.com, aliens have yet to visit our planet or contact us because they think we’re too hostile. However, wearing purple apparently encourages aliens to contact us. Whether it’s because purple is a peaceful color or a favorite color among extraterrestrials, I am not sure."
via

So I just organized a hippie, space alien celebration at the office.  At least my purple dress is cute.

Peace Out

Photo Bombs

We have a lot of parties at my office. Too many. We eat a lot.
We also take too many pictures for an office party. One very sweet co-worker loves the "action" shot, where no one is paying any attention. Today, we had yet another going-away party (What's that you say, Kim, didn't you just have one yesterday? Why, yes, we did.)

Here's the email I sent to E:

Subject: OMG!

WTF, this is me at our pizza party. I’m going to break anonymous' camera and he’s going to be banned from parties if he keeps on with these candids.

and the attachment: 

my cardi looks like it's straining to keep all my goodies in check, and I'm not going into how my poor pants are takin' it to the limit.

 

Oh, this went to the entire staff of 40+ with the rest of the pics.

Here's another great "candid" of me at last year's Christmas party:

Split ends are my enemy, what can I say?

 

From now on, I only want "posed" shots, where I can suck it all in and not look like a freak.

Uhh, scratch that. No pictures at any kind of "costume-related" party.

 

Better, the best part is that I'm at the delicious dessert table. My favorite place to be.

 

 

Pi Day Celebration

I'm telling you, the Devil works in my office.
We celebrated our March birthdays with this amazing cake:

My co-worker and her sister are professionals - their bakery in Maryland (Itsy Bitsy Bakery) is going to be famous I tell you!

Followed by the main course (8 or so different pies): 

I made this Apple Crumble with one of my co-workers last night (her mom's secret recipe). I now know the secret, but I'm taking it to the grave! 

I dare say it was the best pie today. 

What I’m Up Against

Over the holidays, my dad got a big box of chocolates. I tried it; he tried it, we both thought it was meh. My dad said he probably wasn’t going to eat it, but felt bad throwing it away and I sure as hell wasn’t taking 200 chocolates back with me to eat in the car all the way home. 

I asked, "don’t you have a place where people set their leftovers?" He said yea, but he didn’t think they were that good that anyone would want them. 

HA- everyone eats office junk. If you put it out, and it’s free, and half-way decent. It’s gone.

Guess what, my dad said the “inedible” chocolate sampler was gone by 8:30am. I knew it. How? Because I am one of those people that eats anything in the break room. ANYTHING. 

My food weakness is sweets. I once told my hubs, my body is pretty in proportion, I bet I could be really hot if I could just be good about what I ate. His response- yea, we all could. 

Seriously, how am I going to be bikini ready in 2 weeks when there’s this Monday morning in the break room:

 The sad thing, is it doesn't even look that good and this was at 10am. (They were whole cakes at 8:30am)

And this in the candy basket (close to where I sit):

Yes, I’ve tried imagining maggots crawling all over that delicious, sugary delight known as King Cake. Didn’t work.

I tried to imagine everyone’s grimy, flu-ridden, un-washed hands reaching in grabbing fudge. I still ate some.

At home, we have no sweets. Only some 90 cal. Fiber 1 brownies and Healthy Choice chocolate popsicles. I’m OK with the pre-packed sweets, but baked goods left out, un-portioned. It’s a free-for-all. 

How do you get rid of a sweet tooth, or even easier, how do you resist the office junk food?

What's for Lunch?

Lunch is my favorite time of the work day (as it is for most). As much as I would love to have lunch in the cafeteria or local deli nearby daily, it's not good for my waistline nor my wallet, so I am a packer. I have been trying to motivate some of my other co-workers to do the same.
Here's what I do for a quick and healthy lunch:
Every Sunday, I hard boil a dozen eggs (those suckers last a long time).
Then, every evening, I pull out pre-shredded carrots, broccoli slaw, pre-washed bag o' spinach, and a red bell pepper.

I chop the bell pepper (the only chopping I do) and then throw a few handfuls of everything into a Tupperware. That with a hard-boiled egg and a yummy salad dressing I keep in the office fridge is lunch. Seriously takes 5 minutes or less.
Other easy items to throw in a salad is canned chickpeas, shredded cabbage, grape tomatoes, sunflower seeds,  Craisins, or sugar snap peas. For a guy, I would think more protein is better, so I would bake chicken breasts on Sunday for the work week.
I should also mention the salad isn't all I have- I do eat a lot of snacks through out the day too that are easy to take like Kashi bars, bananas, oranges, and yogurts.
 Happy brown-bagging.

P.S. I know my office mates don't love the smell of my farty eggs every day, but there are worse smells. That's probably why they escape to the cafeteria ;)

The Office Christmas Party- AKA Kim the Scrooge

I did wear my Christmas brooch which makes me happy, even if they aren't really in style. :)

Ugh, not good at and hate "selfies" Hate the word "selfie" as well as "jelly".

Here are my rants.

• It's always the same freaking people that participate. I am getting tired of spending $30 to make a big salad or dessert for every office party and there are some people that NEVER bring in anything, but sure do like to eat.
• If you're going to a party where there's a lot of people (like 50) and there's a lot of food, it's still impolite to eat a bunch of one thing on your first pass. Don't pile up 4 egg rolls on your plate just because you got to the line first. There are people at the end of the line motherf*#@er.
• Please RSVP. I asked multiple times for people to accept their calendar invites so we could get a count. Of course, 7 people are on site today and wanted to "buy in".
• Then, I'm just a baby, our boss had door prizes and prizes for games. The contractors that bought in and are never here (seriously, this was their first day here, EVER) won most of the prizes. Not the employee that's been here for 10 years busting their butts and made food for the party.

I guess I should try to be happy:

• I actually love more than 80% of my co-workers.
• There was more than enough food, even though I thought we'd run out.
• I am fortunate enough to have a job where we have a holiday party and I can make a big salad :)
• My Christmas shopping is DONE!

I Heart Bake Sales

Not really, I have a sweet tooth that's out of control & does not need to be encouraged. This week, there were multiple bake sales at work. One was to raise money to donate to the Red Cross for Hurricane Sandy relief. Since E and I lived in NYC and still have friends up there, we wanted to help.
Since I was travelling from TN the night before the bake sale, my sweet hubs baked some delish coconut, chocolate bars for me to take in.
I sampled a tiny bit as quality control & boy where they good.
Day of, I said I would resist the temptation and just make a contribution.

This is what happened:

Oh yea, the saran-wrapped bar is the chocolate coconut bar I brought in, then bought for myself :)

Safety First

It is cold in DC, so I finally busted out my winder coat this morning.

Good thing, because the sadists at the Capitol Police office scheduled a fire drill today.

Fire drills at our office are a cluster-eff. I can say that because I am a(n unenthusiastic) Office Emergency Coordinator. AKA, the Safety Patrol. At my first job, I was also the safety person. I guess they like loud people (or great leaders ;) ) for this role.

This was me in the 5th grade, only I was a girl. With glasses & 80's clothing.

We have these big bookbags on wheels each room is supposed to carry out along with pagers that tell us what to do.

People are usually cranky, smoking, sneaking off to Starbucks (or home), and we always have someone "missing" (because they went to Starbucks).

I also take role outside, which is awesome. The first time we had a drill with my old boss (who was new)- she looked at my like I sprouted a third eye and asked what I was doing. Yes, I like to yell out peoples names in a parking lot.

Yes, we evacuate to the parking lot. Enclosed. Lots of gas tanks ready to catch fire at any moment.

My role also includes asking men (and women) for their personal phone numbers. I used to just walk up to a male contractor with my post it pad and ask "Can I get your mobile number?" After I got a few funny looks, I perfected my spiel and now open with, "In case of an emergency, I keep a list of alternate numbers..." If I was single, I would probably have to take Mystery's class on peacocking and scoring digits.

Remember this on VH1? How I miss it!

Although I jest fire drills and safety are important & I try to do a good job.  Stay safe & be prepared at work and home for an emergency :)

Thank Goodness for Work

Today I was fortunate enough to telecommute, but wow, I am much better in an office.
Let's start with how I look at home. I wore pjs all day, until I was forced to go out. I didn't bother with makeup
Plus all I wanted to do was snack on all the goodies in our apt!

I thought I might be a good full-time telecommuter, but I might be too lazy for that :/

Work Hard/ Eat Hard

Last night I had to work late. It reminded me of when I worked in NYC-  I used to work until 7pm or later a LOT more than I do now and it didn't bother me as much. I must be getting old, but in NYC, I got a sweet company paid for cab ride home & sometimes dinner too.

Anyway, I was typing an email that included the term "arrears" and I thought to myself that sounds funny, because when I say it, I have been saying "payment in the rears"!
This is finance, not Samwell's What What in the Butt!
So, I am awaiting my call from HR for this and probably other outstanding offenses.

We also had a big birthday bash at work (which I was involved with setting up/ cleaning up).
This was me at 7:00 pm ish last night:

I usually have a rule about office cake- homemade or else it's not worth the calories! I caved several times yesterday!

When I finally got home (I forced E to "unwind" with me at Baja Fresh), I had a package on my doorstep! Packages on my doorstep are one of my most favorite things (I'm surprised I don't online shop more).

Anyway, my brother's girlfriend from Japan was visiting him in Tennessee and brought moi a birthday present & he shipped it to me!

Yay- presents!

The treat inside :)

TGIF to you all!

What Happens in the Cube, Stays in the Cube

I seriously had this conversation with someone at work today:

Me: Something smells like BO in my area, I hope it's not me.
Colleague: Well, I did notice a BO smell when you walked over here. It's probably not you, just when you said it, I realized it was here.
Me: (smelling my shirt in the underarm area): no way, definitely not me. Crap maybe it's my feet? Sometimes these ballet flats make my feet sweat, especially when I have my heater going...
Colleague: (male, mildly horrified) I don't know.
Me: I'm going to he bathroom to check things out.

Definitely not me and the smell had dissipated by the time I was back.

Culprit #1: I have a sensitive doggie nose & my colleague is easily swayed by the power of suggestion.We sit in the basement and there are all sorts of funky smells that come in through the vents.

Culprit #2: My heater was making the person in the cube next to me sweaty.
Culprit #3: My drawer o' shoes (note, I don't think stinky feet smell the same as BO)

My First Job (maybe the best)

I remember when I turned 16, how excited I was to fill out applications at West Town Mall for my first job.
I dressed to impress (black slacks, white short sleeved button down & purple scarf tied at the neck- ha!)
and was interviewed on the spot and then received my first job offer at the Gap!

Oh, my first day was so exciting. I got to wear a little Gap badge, work with college kids, fold clothes, and greet people. There was no stress, I got a 50% discount, and when there was nothing to do, I just chatted it up.  Oh, and, I also met my hubs at the Gap.

I really loved that job... (I also had no bills, only worked a few hrs after school and on the weekends, ate at the food court with disregard to a "healthy diet", etc.)

Anyway, what happened?! I sit on my ever-widening a** in front of a computer all day with my eyes glazed over and man, Mondays suck.

Anyway, the hubs and I love to discuss our early jobs (in high school and college). E always has an entertaining story from "All you can eat catfish night" at Calhoun's.

What is the first job you had?  Did you like it? (Ohh, I might have a future at eHarmony with provoking questions like these).