How I'm Going Out

There is a gigantic beetle-ish bug in our bathroom, and he only comes out when I'm in the shower (he's a perv).
I am too much of a chicken Buddhist to think of killing him, but he always manages to disappear when E shows up to get rid of him.
Sidebar: I blame all the men in my life for catering to me and getting rid of bugs for me (growing up). Now I am horrified and cannot do it myself. Unless I'm alone, then I use the vacuum cleaner extension. One time I called my dad to see if I sprayed a giant cockroach with hairspray, would that paralyze the roach until E got home.
Anyhoo, I've put both E and the cats on a #1, top priority mission to find and remove this menace before something BAD happens. Any by bad, I  mean the following very imminent scenario: I'm washing my hair, contacts out, which means I'm defenseless and blind and the big bug flies onto my back. I scream and in shock then fall (nude) our of the shower and down the stairs (yes, we have steps in our bathroom). E will find me in a bloody, nude mess and have to call the ambulance. I will of course be in the most un-flattering pose and well, nude. I do not want firemen, EMTs, or the like to have to put me up on the gurney all nude and white. I need lipo and a spray tan before that happens.
Soooo that got me thinking, have you ever played a game called, "Would you Rather"? Basically, what out of 3 craptastic scenarios would you rather choose.

1. Getting taken away nude on a gurney
2. Having the emergency room docs cutting off granny panties (not that I wear or own them or anything, but maybe if I did, I would think they are comfortable). Horrors.
3.  Having the docs cut off good, pricey underwears along with a favorite pair of Seven jeans they no longer make. 
4. And then what if you don't get the expensive (or granny) cut-up underwear back? Gross. (hmm, that could be the beginning to a very good Lifetime movie though....)

E and the cats just better catch this dern bug before any of these plights happen to me. My hypochondria is getting to me.

Since I couldn't find the bug to take a pic, this is me re-enacting how a trip to the loo is. Apparently, I should be reacting to how disgusting my mirror is (yea, those are water spots non the mirror, not barrettes in my hair). Note the death stairs in the background.