Eff The Secret

If you have been living under a rock, The Secret is a book/ video/ all sorts of other marketing products that focus on getting what you want by using the power of positive thinking. 

I feel like I blogged about reading The Secret before, because I want to be a hippie secretly, but I am so over this. Here's why:

#1. Why The Secret can kiss my ass 
I have been visualizing money coming my way. Why not, we’re going to *finally* buy a (tiny) townhouse in one of the most expensive cities this summer.
Saturday night, I had a dream. I was in a fancy hotel and I kept getting lost and couldn’t find my room. I was with friends & so I had 2 room keys. One was for 130 and the other was for 30.

When I woke up I thought, “this is the Universe telling me that these are numbers I should play in the lottery. I’m like Mary effing Todd.”

I told E about my dream forced E to take me to the local grocery store. Their Powerball was down, so we walked up the street to the 7-11.

E checked the numbers the next day and guess what? Not a single number. Not even a $2 get your money back. 

#2. Why The Secret sucks

I have also been visualizing a BIG tax return. We owed last year and this year the extra $ would be so nice to put in our new house savings fund. Visualize, visualize, write it down, and guess what again? Instead of getting $2000 back, we OWED $1000. Mothereffer. 

#3. Why I’m not reading The Secret anymore

Part of the more money plan was visualizing big checks in the mail. Well in the mail yesterday, I got an unexpected bill from a doctor’s office from last year (thanks for being so timely). It’s $300 and I can’t use my FSAFeds for it. 

#4. Effing The Secret 

Forget about visualizing a small behind. With how good the Secret’s been so far, my bum will make my bikini bottom look like a thong, a la below.

 This is definitely not me. Yet.